Good Times!

Welcome to your weekend!

Ever found yourself at the opera, or your kids recital & thought to yourself "I need a drink". It's so hard to sneak in those clunky cans & bottles. They rattle around & draw attention. Don't let anyone tell you ever again where & when you can drink. Go get yourself a Beer Belly. Beverage is held in an insulated pouch & when worn under clothing looks just like a sexy gut. Holds up to 80 oz.! Now that's a good time!

Don't worry ladies, you haven't been left out. You too can enjoy the pleasure of drinking in secret with the Winerack. Better than plastic surgery or those chicken cutlets you've been using - & you know who you are. After you're done drinking you can blow back into the tube to inflate once again. Wheee!

Glamourpuss

gothic kitty

I thought I'd seen it all. Honestly, it takes a lot to get my attention. This made me laugh so hard Diet Pepsi literally shot out my nose. We've all seen the dogs in outfits, t shirts & hats. But apparently the cats of the world feel left out. Well no longer! Introducing The Enchanting World of Kitty Wigs. Yes, my friends, now you can make your pussy all pretty. And really, who wouldn't?

pink passion

For the transvestite kitty.

bashful blonde

This one needs a bikini, a tramp stamp tattoo & a PBR.

"Please remember, Kitty Wigs should only be used with human supervision, and introduced slowly. When not in use, the wig should always be stored in its pawproof case. Complete directions and safety warnings are included with every package. Please read them carefully and avoid unnecessary dangers."

So glad it has safety warnings. Unfortunately, there's no safety warnings directed to the purchaser. I believe the first warning should be "Please go back on your medication!"


Did I mention there's also a book for purchase? Yep, your dreams have come true! Lots of pictures of kittys in wigs. Perfect gift for any animal lover or crazy person.

Wicked!

I understand the concept of housework, just not how it applies to me. Apparently someone had me in mind when they came up with this beauty. Bring out your inner witch with the Broomba self propelled broom. It not only cleans your floors, it also plays creepy music & cackles. Amazing!! Motion activated, so it won't turn on until someone enters the room. Scare the heck out of your guests & make em' pee a little. Watch the video here to see it in action.

Check Your Morals At The Door!

Tired of waking up to find last nights drunken pictures posted on Facebook & texted to all you're friends? Well problem solved! Never question your questionable behavior again. The Black Bar glasses protect your anominity. They look & photograph just like censor bars. Now you can get all wild n' funky & no one will ever know it was you. Inhibitions fade away. Better than booze!
Other uses......
bank robbing
peeping Tom
Glamour Don't moments
lurking around playgrounds
defacing property
starring in a porn
stalking celebrieties...or your ex
etc, etc, etc....

Wash Your Hands!!

Step on up & get your chlamydia right here! Who knew disease & germs could be so warm & fuzzy? Personally, I would love some chicken pox. Maybe someone close to you could use some herpes. These plush microbes come with an instructional card that includes a realistic picture of the actual disease and information about it in it's natural environment. Not only cute, but instructional. Takes playing doctor to a whole new level. 65 variety's available. Newest addition to the bunch.....swine flu!

chicken pox - bok bok!

happy herpes

Trophies

I don't know what it is with me & the dead animals, but how brilliant is this?! It's a decapitated cat toy on a wooden mount. If you put em' by your cats litter box it'll look like a bunch of their trophies. This calls for two big snaps in a circle.

Never Diet Again!

Now this is my kind of diet aid! Alli -the new diet pill- gives you anal leakage. Hey honey, I'm thin now, but I also uncontrollably poop my pants. Sexy. Step on this scale and all your worries are gone. You can actually open your eyes & have a look. Are you Mother Teresa or Ron Jeremy? I figure I'm good since I don't weigh as much as Jay Leno's head.

Bow chica bow bow

We're going streaking! Since I am a native of The Whale's Vagina, I find these sunscreens hard to resist. I love how 70's Playgirl they seem. So cheesy. Three variety's to choose from. Hot Sexy Tan, Sunstroke & Forbidden Fruit. All have SF 30 & proceeds go to Cancer for College. Slap some on now & I'll meet you in the quad. Stay classy!

Dirty Boys

We all know how messy men can be. Most of the time they make no effort at all. I keep telling my friends I'm just looking for a man who's toilet I'm not afraid to use. It's a challenge. Here's one way to help em' not only keep clean, but look good as well. These napkins, when unfolded, make it look like your usually scruffy man has dressed for dinner. Now you don't have to be embarrassed to take him to mom & dad's! 4 designs in each package to coordinate with his slacks.

A Poop On You!

Did you know you can actually have animal poop sent to someone? Yes sir, it's all right here at poopsenders! Perfect for anyone who has pissed you off, or just needs to be taken down a peg. Now you don't have to follow the dog around the yard waiting for a fresh one, or put it in a bag, or wait until the cover of darkness to put it on their porch. It's all completely anonymous. The following card is placed inside the bag of excrement & the recipient must dig it out, only to find out, they've been punk'd!

front of card

back of card

They offer cow, elephant & gorilla for your variety of choices.

Trouble

In honor of Comic Con coming to San Diego this week.... Oh who am I kidding? Comic Con never interested me. One would think these people would be my homies. But, no. I have no desire to stand in a hot room elbow to elbow to a bunch of people dressed as Chewbacca or Wonder Woman. Plus I hear it just gets more crowded year after year. So since I have plenty of friends who mark it on their calendars every year& brave the crowds, this is for them.

Always loved the tribbles. Who didn't fall completely in love at first sight? Well, now you can have your very own. They are apparently supposed to have a calming effect on the nervous system of humanoids. And who couldn't use some of that? These are interactive and shake and quail when disturbed. Cool huh? I'm naming mine Rufus.

Love, Peace & Taco Grease

Tired of all the hippie peace & love stuff? I blame Woodstock. Some people just can never get over it. I'm all for telling it like it is. This product makes it easier to let out some of your true feelings. Room mate didn't do their dishes? Husband left his socks on the floor - again!? Down a bottle of Wild Turkey & let the insults fly. There are 247 magnetic poetry words in the box, including, but not limited to....moron, farted, whatever, & my cleavage. Hours of fun for the whole family.

Mmmmm.......stache

Me, my nephews & my dad. All with fake mustaches.

As I was in line to buy a movie ticket the other night I saw a fella with a shirt on that said "Mustache Rides 5 Cents", but he wasn't even sporting a mustache! Is that even legal?! Man, draw one on or something. It was so disappointing. Thank goodness Burt Reynolds & Tom Selleck had it right. Every girl goes crazy for a good stache. Here's a few ways to fake it.

Mustache necklace. I've got one. Now I need the matching ring. It allows me to express my evil side on a whim. Just put below nose, twirl ends and exclaim, Muhwahahahaha!

Ummmmmmm. Maybe not the best choice.

Barware. I'll bet when you drink out of it it looks like you have a mustache.

Buttons. Buttons. Buttons. Buttons.

And of course, the ever popular stick on.

All these can be found at Etsy. There's tons of mustache themed items. Key chains, stickers, tote bags, etc. So let out your inner porn star & try one on!

Helloooooo Kitty

Ok, so today I was introduced to kittyhell.com. I've never understood the allure of the whole Hello Kitty phenomenon. It's a cat with a bow. What's the big deal? That's why this website appeals so much to me. The fella who writes it is constantly tormented by his Hello Kitty obsessed wife. Can you even imagine?! I thought it was torture to live with an Elvis freak, but no, this guy clearly wins. Hands down. Unfortunately, I don't know where to purchase these items as the blogger is adamant about not giving out that information. He simply chooses to emphasize the horror and stupidity that such products even exist. Who can blame him? Do we really want these products in the hands of the masses? Not so much. These were a few of my favorites.

How can you be in a bad mood drinking a Hello Kitty beer? Although you may need to down the entire 6 pack to achieve desired results.




Hello Kitty condoms.....disguised as lollipops. A great gift to put in a goodie bag for your 13 yr old daughters birthday. So you may have to field a few phone calls from irate parents. Whatever. It's either this or a trip to the local Planned Parenthood.

Idaho? No you da' ho!

Let everyone know you're hot to trot! If you don't want to "Live Strong" or "Go Green", this little darling may just be right up your alley. Silicone wristband says Chastity Banned. Bet you could even hook up with a Jonas Brother with this on. For $3 & free shipping it's cheaper than getting your date drunk.

Meat Treats

You will soon find out that I am a connoisseur of bizarre candy. The grosser, the better. Taco seasoned crickets? Check! In my pantry.

I'll bet you never knew there were so many meat inspired candies. Take a gander.

You want bacon on that? Yes please!. Bacon is so good, that to improve the flavor of other foods, they wrap it in bacon. I hate asparagus, but wrap it in bacon & it's the favorite part of my meal! Yes sir. You also must realize how lazy our society is when bacon is used as a condiment on any hamburger in any fast food place. Make mine a double.
Bacon flavored jellybeans? Why not? Mix em' with the licorice flavored ones. Now that's a taste sensation!


Gummy bacon. Slap these puppies next to your eggs & just see if you can tell the difference. These are also strawberry flavor, so you could probably put em' on your toast.For the long lasting flavor.....of bacon. Not quite Trident, but I'll bet if you chew a couple of these every man will want some of your kisses. No man can resit bacon. Maybe put a little hint of it behind your ears & between your knees.
The infamous marshmallow burger. Do you want fries with that? Hell yea! They sell em'!


Who can resist a tasty meatball? Not me! Although I think these fellas look like they've been left out in the heat to long, or they just have really bad acne. Oh no! Wait a minute.. I know this guy....it's Meatwad from Space Ghost!



Now these look realistic! All of a sudden I got a hankering for mustard. Get yourself a bun & chew to your hearts content.

All these delicious products can be found at OffBeat Treats

It Made My Day

A horse is a horse, of course, of course. Except for this horse, of course. Let people know they can't mess with you. Send this plush horse head pillow to anyone who has wronged you. Rat bastards! They'll probably think twice about it next time. Lifelike in size too! It's 33" nose to neck & 19" tall. They will even add a personalized note if you so wish. How cool is that?!

Hummmm......Dear Douchebag, etc. etc. etc. Hope it falls off. etc, etc, etc. Don't ever call me again. Love, Susan

Less messy than the real thing and you don't have to do all that hacking.



Buy it, or sleep with the fishes.

Coolin' Off

It's getting freakin' hot here in good ol' San Diego. It's like Africa hot. I swore I saw a zebra run down the street today. So here's a few cool cubes to cool you off.

How about some frozen smiles? These will bring back fond memories of your grandparents. Put em' in your Polident!



Gin & Titonic. Recreate disaster in your drink. I'd probably float in an extra ice cube with a picture of Leonardo DiCaprio in it just to make it authentic.



What's a musician without a girlfriend?...............Homeless. Hahahahahaha! Here's one for all your musician friends. You know who they are. They usually drive a van.


These I like cause' you can spell out hidden messages in your guests drinks, such as LEAVE.



These? These are just slick. I wonder if you could kill a werewolf with em'.

All these can be found here at Toxel.

The Children Are Our Future

After spending the evening babysitting my nephews I completely understand why a lot of parents just give up. Apparently children need to be fed, led to the bathroom & entertained. God, I'm lucky if I feed myself & bathe in the same day. In between breaking up fights and trying to rescue a dying goldfish, I was exhausted. So it got me thinking....just where are these kids gonna end up in the future. Yea, the kids like the Wii & the computer games, but really, is that gonna help them make a living? So, after a lot of research I've found the perfect toy to get em' started on the right career path.....The GR8 TaT2 Maker. This way they can hone their skills early. Apparently it has a soft pulsating action, which is CLEARLY the same feeling as a needle being shoved in your skin over & over at a rapid pace. I've never gotten a tattoo & thought " Wow, what a nice soft pulsating feeling, just like a massage". This is supposedly made my Spin Master Toys. But alas, has been discontinued. If your children must have one I'd keep checking ebay. Hopefully they'll soon expand this line & come out with a GR8 Piercing Maker.

Bottle of liquor & friends to egg you on not included.

Cross stitch cuties

I'm a crafty gal. I'll paint you a picture, bedazzle your shirt & bake you a cake. Ok, so the baking may still be up in the air - damn smoke alarm -but I love crafts. This website is the coolest. I love that they take something traditionally cute and turn it into something rude. You know if you saw this on someone's wall you'd have to take a look at it. Oh the shock & horror on your guest's faces. Priceless. What a sneaky way to express the real you. Lots of patterns to choose from & it comes with fabric, thread, pattern & instructions. Great for anger management.

Subversive Cross Stitch.